Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you made out with another girl for some wings
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
