fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
