it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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