I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
