Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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