isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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