I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
