You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
