If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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