were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
