we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
