I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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