That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
