He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
