Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
