Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
