so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
