You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
