sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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