If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
