That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
