We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So vagazzling was a success
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
