so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
