i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
