why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
