He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
