she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
