I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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