Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
