So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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