so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
