farters have to be the big spoon...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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