i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
