I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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