im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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