You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
