Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
