i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
