somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
