Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
