he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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