If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
