Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
