We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
