Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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