ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
