I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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