Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
