He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
