Whod you bang
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there was a trapeze. enough said
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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