I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
