I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
