Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
