remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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